What do you really want for your child?
Often, when parents are asked what they want for their child, they respond with “I want my child: to be happy, to have a positive self esteem, to be confident”.
We agree that children’s self worth is a desirable goal in children’s healthy growth development. What can we do?
In her paper Distinctions between Self-Esteem and Narcissism: Implications for Practice, Dr. Lilian Katz, a well-recognized scholar in the field of early education, challenges practices commonly used. In a shorter version of this paper she states “self-esteem is most likely to be fostered when children are esteemed and treated respectfully and receive the right kind of positive, meaningful feedback in the form of appreciation, rather than empty praise and flattery”. Think about this: would you talk with your spouse the way you talk with your child? Will you tell your spouse ‘good job’ for loading the dishwasher? For folding the laundry? Will you exclaim “wow!” at your spouse for washing hands? For eating lunch?
Here are some things to do include in our practices when considering children’s self esteem:1. Responding to children’s interests. This sends a message that children’s thoughts are valued and respected. Here, in TriBeCa Community School we document children’s experiences, so we can gain deeper understanding of their interests and plan for meaningful, relevant, appropriate experiences to occur. This is our strategy to respond to children’s interests.2. Avoid empty flattery comments. Instead of saying ‘wow’ for a child’s painting, we comment on the actual content, such as: “I see that you used blue and yellow. Do you need more paper? Can I get you another brush? What else do you need?”3. Provide children with activities that they make real decisions, and opportunities to wonder and investigate. In our school, children are encouraged to come up with hypothesis, put those to the test, and adjust their thinking.
To read Dr. Katz’s Self-Esteem and Narcissism: Implications for Practice, please visit the site of the University of Illinois at Urbana-Champaign, College of Education, Early Childhood and Parenting Collaborative
http://ceep.crc.uiuc.edu/eecearchive/digests/1993/lk-sel93.html